Shoes to fill 2020

Hello peeps, I genuinely hope everyone is staying safe and healthy in this quarantine. This has been a wild year so far but I am hanging in there. I know it has been awhile since I posted on this thing, but I had recently thought to write down some goals of mine and I'd thought to do it here! So I get this question a lot and since my mind rambles, I thought to document this and keep it updated. People always ask me "what are some of your dream roles?" Here’s a current list of roles that are on my goal/dream list. It’s hard saying “dream” sometimes because dreams are often fleeting. But these are some characters that have constantly been on my heart and in my peripheral: 

1. Hamlet from Hamlet 

I’ve gotten a taste in grad school with the “To be or not to be speech” and scene. It was such a tease. After jumping into those thought's and emotions.. I knew I HAD to play Hamlet. Jumping into that speech is not a cake walk. I would love to explore Hamlets journey from beginning to end. I want to play him because I believe he is like me. I can relate to him and his soliloquy’s leave me in tears. This play also hold's one of my favorite Shakespeare quotes, "To thine ownself be true."

2. Boy Willie from The Piano Lesson 

In 2014 I got a chance to take part in a Wilson play and was lucky enough to play Lymon in The Piano Lesson. Playing Lymon Jackson taught me a lot about exploring what to do on the stage without having many lines. He in fact, has many lines but they mostly appear in the second act. I will say, doing this play with my best friend leading as Boy Willie showed me of how much I am also like Boy Willie in regards to making sure his goals are achieved to better his life no matter what. Boy Willie was the first role I believe I executed an audition for. God just said it wasn’t my time to play him then, I think the time is coming now.

3. Hedley II from King Hedley II 

This is another one of August Wilson’s plays in the Pittsburgh cycle. My relationship to this piece is that in my undergrad at Prairie View A&M University, I learned a monologue from this play my senior year. It’s one of my go-to pieces and it resonates so well with me because I know people in Hedley II’s situation. I’ve seen the play live in England at Theatre Royal Stratford East and this rendition only confirmed that I had a desire to live as Hedley, to deeply understand the emotions of a person or people that I already know.

4. Bottom from A Midsummer Night’s Dream

This is a rather new goal. This is my first and favorite Shakespeare work. Why? I’m in love with both magic and comedy! I have a very special relationship with this play. When I first auditioned for it in 2013 I was going for puck and was a very new actor. I really didn’t know how to take direction in a callback as much as I did after I made my mistake in this audition. I didn’t get puck but later in 2018 I played a character in ‘She Stoops to Conquer” named Tony Lumpkin (Who I would actually love to play again publicly). He was pretty much who puck was and I would say, restoration/Georgian theatre requires so much. Because of my love for Tony, I don’t care much as I did to play Puck because he was it pretty much. He created the problems in the play AND fixed them. I’ve recently gained interest in the bombastic BOTTOM. He is as ambitious as me and I would love to explore the layers that he possesses and make the viewers smile while doing it.

"Let me play the lion too. I will roar, that I will do any man's heart good to hear me. I will roar, that I will make the duke say, "Let him roar again. Let him roar again."

5. Cory from Fences 

In regards to Cory. I don’t think I ever had him in my peripheral until I did a scene as him with one of my good friends in 2017. We did it in honor of his dad and it was so heartwarming. After the scene, another actor approached me and told me “you should definitely go out for Cory.” That was a sign, and since then, I’ve had him on my list. He represents a new generation of thinking, of ambition, of dreams in a very fenced household.

6. Scar from The Lion King 

I’ve been in love with The Lion King since I was a child and very recently I deemed “Be Prepared” as one of my favorite songs in the movie. Scar is also my favorite Disney villain. I love playing villains.

7. Hercules from Disney’s Hercules 

This has been on my mind recently, but not because of the live action remake announcement, but because of The Public Theater in NYC. I didn’t get to see the production but I followed it heavily and was Inspired by seeing a Black Hercules. It really reminded me that once again, it does not matter the race of a Disney character unless it’s very specific. Since then, I’ve had an urge in wanting to play the mighty God and filling the shoes of someone who went “Zero to Hero.” I would love to play him on stage or even on film.

8. Spider-Man ‘Miles Morales’ 

I’ve been hearing about Miles since he was first created in 2011. I actually didn’t know who he was until a former comic loving coworker mentioned “you should look into miles morales, you resemble him.” After I looked him up, I was immediately blown away by his creation and his story. I was instantaneously connected to him and was in awe because Peter Parker’s Spider-Man had always been my favorite hero since I was a baby. Now there is an opportunity in swinging around NYC for me. I’ve even gone as far as writing a pilot. “I am Spider-Man.”

Honorable mention: Spurio from The Revengers Tragedy.

- CJ 

NO WAY BUT THIS

It’s been a long time coming, and sorry for the wait but here is Episode 4! So much has happened since my last U.K. blog post where I expanded on my trip to Paris in my first year of Graduate school. I have now finished my second and completed my program! Crazy right? My second year was mighty. It was filled with a lot of ups and a few downs. C’est la vie. Lets jump right in. 

                        To start, the biggest thing that happened in the beginning of my second year was the loss of my grandfather, Alex Wilson. I really wasn’t expecting this to happen, but I had to fly home in the middle of my course to see him off. It was quite sad to see my mom experience that, but she was strong of course. She reminded me of where I get my strength from. I was very happy to see my family and to visit Louisiana. Sharing a hotel with my mom, sister, aunt, and grandma was so cool. We bonded like never before. That feeling of love is something I will always remember. 

When I returned back to England I hustled my ass off to put together my one-man show called “A Hero’s Journey” which was a research piece inspired by the mythologist Joseph Campbell. I thought I was very behind when I came back, but I gave it my all and the turnout was quite spectacular. I received so much excellent feedback from the audience and tutors and was advised to take it on the road which I am considering strongly. My second year was much more challenging mentally than the first. I had to remind myself countless times that “I was enough” because of the subtle depressive phase I was experiencing in the winter. The winter felt very long and cold and many times I wanted to lock myself somewhere away from everything. My head was very cloudy for a while and I felt like I was walking around blind to my surroundings. In the midst of these cloudy days I had a difficult time deciphering who were my friends. I lost trust in many people and had to fake my way through days and we all know how much I hate not being one hundred with everyone around me. It felt like a knife was shoved up my back and went straight through my heart. I became distant. I was left not trusting anyone I met. One of my best friends back home did not appreciate my hiatus but we hashed it out. We are good now. Don’t know what I’d do without her. 

In December, I ventured to Amsterdam 

It was a wonderful healing. What a magical place. What a liberating place. I was on this trip solo. I thought it was really cool that the main transportation in Amsterdam were bicycles. Everywhere you looked, everywhere you turned was a bike. I learned a few Dutch words, but I have forgotten most of them. I do remember Dank je wel which means “Thank you very much!” Amsterdam was gorgeous! 

I spent a lot of time on the canal learning about the history. I experienced the famous coffee shops and was sent to another galaxy when I tried a space cake. The people of Amsterdam were very smart with selling those good ass Nutella covered waffles near the coffee shops. I feel like they put Nutella on everything out there, as well as mayonnaise. I’m not complaining though.          

I went to the sex museum which completely blew my mind and exceeded my expectations. My favourite museum/landmark was the hiding place of Anne Frank. 

I learned so much about the Holocaust in Jr. High, but being in the hideout spot was just breath-taking. It was such a still but very powerful experience. 

            I knew my mood would be low after the museum, so I made sure my space cake was ready for consumption. I went directly to a Dutch Pancake restaurant which was near the Anne Frank hideout. DUTCH PANCAKES ARE AMAZING! I was so much in love and was tempted to order another serving of them. Imagine this beautiful image melting in your mouth:

Lastly, the red-light district is probably one of the wildest things I’ve ever seen. If you don’t know what the red-light district is then I suggest you use google because I want to keep this blog PG:13. 

When I returned for my second term of uni I was very excited because in the last five weeks I knew it was time for the first production of our year, Othello by William Shakespeare. The first five weeks were spent preparing for our last skilled assessments. Within these five weeks something incredible happened at my day job. I was working and ended up unknowingly serving Post Malones tour manager. I, along with two of my work friends was invited VIP into the concert. Yes, I met Post Malone and not only did I meet him, but I kicked his ass at beer pong. It was quite fun this night. I was never a huge Post Malone fan, but it was nice to see someone who was from the same place as I, make it as a star. He was a pretty cool guy. 

The first five weeks flew by; In the midst of this whole term I was slowly but surely preparing to play one of my dream roles, The Moor, Othello.

It was a rollercoaster ride for me. It was the most vulnerable I’ve ever been on stage and I, without a doubt, had to become an emotional athlete. As soon as I appeared on the stage I knew as I sat down to tie my combat boots, there was no backing out. I am so grateful for the opportunity to lead a show like that. My mom, both sisters, fraternity brothers and friends all came from America to see the show. The fact that I have people in my life that would fly a thousand miles to see me in my element truly warms my heart. 

When Othello closed I spent a few days with my friends and sister in London. There is nothing like traveling and spending time with people you love and trust. It was one of the highlights of my time here which led into my trip to Rome, Italy with my close friend and fraternity brother. 

Italy was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. It’s so crazy that people live in such a beautiful place. When we first arrived and sat to eat at a restaurant we experienced a bit of racism. There was some lunatic looking at me and my brother and shaking his head with disgust while we were minding our business ordering food. He was doing this constantly and made sure we saw him. We didn’t care though; the wine was too good! The food was exquisite. I ate so much pasta I feel like I picked up weight after the trip. When we got to old Rome, the history and architect that surrounded us was mesmerising. Old Rome was pretty much made up of old, weathered stone. 

Although a lot of things were destroyed and in pieces, you could tell what had been there and how massive it was. There was still so much still there! The Colosseum is even more massive in person. I wanted to somehow sneak to the middle of it but there was no way that was going to happen. I also was very much blown away by the Pantheon and the other cathedrals we saw. On the last night our plans to see the Trevi Fountain was cut short because of my unexpected food poisoning. I was so upset but it was nothing I could do. The trip was amazing. 

The icing on the cake was flying to Birmingham the next morning and heading to the Assassination Vacation Drake concert later that night. There is nothing like seeing your favourite artist. Drizzy put on a show! Shout out to my brother for buying me a ticket. Our traveling in March ended with us going to London and eating at Duck & Waffle for his birthday. Duck & Waffle was on (I think) the 40^thfloor in a London skyscraper. I highly recommend it. The view is gorgeous. The best part of Rome and the concert was being in such good company. 

When returning for my last term of Grad school, me and my cohort had two final productions ahead of us. The productions were Mary Stuart and Harper Regan. These were two shows that I quite enjoyed learning from. I was directed by the famous Lynn Farleigh in Mary Stuart. Harper Regan was like a trip back home because how much of an ensemble piece it was. It was directed by Katy Weir. 

I played a boy named Tobias Rich, who was on the spectrum of Autism. I'm so happy to have experienced this because until then I've been very ignorant to the knowledge of autism symptoms and what people who have it go through. It was a hell of a challenge but I did my research, watched a brilliant show called "Atypical" and made him my own. Playing Tobias taught me a lot. 
When Harper Regan closed it was time for graduation! My mom and sister came out again and we had a blast exploring London and spending quality time. I really enjoyed it. Although my sister was faster than me in Karting by a millisecond. I taught her everything she knows though uh ha ha! I graduated July 23^rd with distinction. I worked my ass off for two years so I expected nothing less. Working hard is only part of the reason though. I feel like I fully committed myself one hundred percent to everything I had done. Challenging myself to rise to the tasks given to me. Nothing was ever perfect, but I grew tremendously in many ways. For actors out there looking for good training, I highly recommend The Royal Birmingham Conservatoire. The tutors are top notch. 

I have made many friends here and great memories that I will never forget. My undergrad was done at a historically black college university and coming here to a predominantly white country was a huge 360. Before I graduated from PVAMU one of my professors told me “You know how to do the black stuff, now go learn everything else.” My industry is still predominately white, so I knew exactly why he said that. It wasn’t that I had to, but to fly in this industry I got to know how to do it all. I’m still learning but I’m now more fluent on both sides. It was a challenge in which I conquered. 

Over these two years I really learned what it meant to protect my energy. You have to find your happiness and keep your goals close to your heart. People will try to discourage you, try to tear you down, might break your heart... but keep God first, remind yourself what you’re doing it for, keep your head up and guard your heart. 

“When people show you who they are, believe it the first time.” – Maya Angelou. 

I’ve never really been a patient person, but I learned a lot of patience here in the United Kingdom. Timing is also everything. If something doesn’t feel right then don’t do it until it does, if it ever does. Let nobody tell you how to control your time, not your family, not your friends. We can’t get it back. Don’t waste time on people that are not there for you. Surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed. I’m always so amazed when people show their true colours. Especially when I thought they were my friends. Everything is a learning experience, even when we get hurt. I have no regrets. "I will wear my heart on my sleeve for daws to peck at."

I have found a fresh version of myself here. I will miss all of my friends and teachers. I will be moving to New York City very soon. I'm very anxious about it but I am so READY for this career and to shine bright. (I'm also accepting Grad donations!) Always remember not to compare your journey with anyone else’s because your journey is your own. It’s unique to you. You are enough and you can do anything your heart strive's for. GO OUT AND GET IT. As for me, center stage is where I belong. I couldn’t have gotten where I am now in growth without loved one’s support. I am in deep gratitude to you all. The journey was rigorous, but I wouldn’t have it any other way; 

No Way But This. 

Until next time!

(PS: I’m writing a fictional book. Stay tuned.)

 To stay up to date with CJ, please visit his website at www.cjdstewart.com

Nonexistent: A Poem

                                          

An existing body without a soul is a vacant shell 

A vacant mind is a capacious hell

boisterous carcasses won't hear your cry

Interrupted dialogue will show you why 

Brazen speech at every turn but at the end: crash and burn 

Artificial smiles; the eye can't resist

Seek the truth in what you do. What you say and who you're with. 

- c.j. stew

He Stoops To Paris

Hey Friends!

I know it’s been awhile since my last blog but I’m back and got a story to tell. This issue will also be featured with a short video of some footage I recorded in Paris and you will be able to access it in the link at the end of the blog. 

The last 3 months has been a roller coaster. Welcome to Episode 3!

The last I posted I did a recap of my first term in Uni and now I’ve finished my second. I’m never growing tired of England (Although I’m growing tired of the constant rain). For a while these past couple of months it would be dark outside at 4PM which was really upsetting to me. The day would kind of end early. It was a very cold and windy winter. Although I barely noticed the time jump it now gets dark at 8:30PM (Thank Jesus). One of my early highlights these past couple of months was the release of Black Panther. I’ve never been to the movies 3 times to see anything but this occasion was worth it! It was amazing. You see what happens when you give a Black director some money to make a movie? Magic happens, Ryan Coogler had Disney money and created something empowering, masterful, strong, and nonetheless Black. If you haven’t seen it I suggest you do before it leaves the cinema. I’ve never seen a super hero flick with grit and depth like that one had, but how can you not have depth when discussing the inner relations of Identity within the African and African American cultures? The movie was a 10/10. 

This last term has been a real challenge. I took part in a show called ‘She Stoops To Conquer’ by Oliver Goldsmith. 

It was an 18^thcentury styled piece in the Georgian Era. My class worked with a very incredible director named Susanna Bishop. She’s a former RSC (Royal Shakespeare Company) actress, brilliant director and tutor. Her specificity in directing and knowledge about the style and text was phenomenal. She’s definitely one of the best. I was in the role of Tony Lumpkin, a country esquire who desired his fortune desperately. He was a young quick-witted problem child that was humoured by jokes and mischief. He both created all of the problems in the play AND solved them. It wasn't a walk in the park. It was probably one of the hardest roles I’ve ever been in but also the most fun! I’ve always wanted to play Puck in Shakespeare’s ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ and in this show, I had the opportunity because the characters are somewhat very similar. I had to really figure out how to transform myself completely through voice, mannerisms and physicality. Nothing comes easy but I’m happy that I eventually rose to the occasion of what was needed from me and what I wanted to accomplish. The show was hilarious and my classmates did an awesome job. 

In the midst of finishing my second term I lost my grandmother. She was from Louisiana and was 86. Being so far from home without much money currently glued me to England so I didn't get to see her off but keep my family in your prayers. She was a rock in my Wilson side of the family and it always hurts to lose a Grandmother. She's in a better place now for sure. RIP Mudea! We love you!

One of my dreams came true last weekend. We’ve been on Easter break for 3 weeks and last weekend I travelled to a location of one of my childhood dreams, Paris. From the time, I arrived I was in amazement. I was also in disbelief. Travelling is something that’s not common where I’m from and It’s a dream some of my family members share. I didn’t have much money but God blessed me with what I needed to enjoy the city. I got to tour the Eiffel, I went to the famous Louve museum and saw the Mona Lisa (Quite Overrated if you ask me), I saw many famous buildings and walked all around the city. The FOOD! Oh my, the FOOD was AMAZING. The first thing I ate was a foot-long hot dog which was fairly cheap. It was toasted with sausage in the inside and cheese baked all around the bread. I was in food heaven. My favourite meal was the lasagne and salad with white French wine. My lasagne was the best I’ve probably ever tasted. The French can cook.

Mingling with the French was also a delight. I’ve picked up on a couple of new phrases like “Merci.” Love was in the air everywhere. There was always a couple on every block or so kissing or engaging in a deep romantic form. “It must be nice” is what my mind was thinking every time. Paris is fairy tale city. No really, like dogs are not even on leashes. They obey every French command and are trained enough to walk alongside their owners and be “civil.” I love, love so much. The whole time I was in Paris, on the Eiffel looking over the city, I couldn’t help but be so grateful and thankful for where I was standing. It’s all God and hard work. I am on a roll with knocking out dreams and goals and as long as I keep on my track I’m gonna get where I’m going eventually. You can do it to. Make sure you're dedicated and committing to your dreams everyday. You can shine wherever you are. 

"My attitude is never to be satisfied, never enough, never." - Duke Ellington

https://youtu.be/5xDLmI4dSdU

Till Next Issue! au revoir! 

BLACK BOY MEETS MR. SHAKESPEARE

Hey everybody! Welcome to episode 2! To the new readers welcome to my mind and my journey of being a Black storyteller in the United Kingdom.

To start, I want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR! I wish nothing but peace, love, and goal achieving for everyone this year. I’ve learned some new English lingo. It’s quite odd to hear if you’re from America. “You alright” is how the English in Birmingham ask, “How are you doing?” Now, where I’m from when people ask me if I’m alright, they seem to think something is wrong with me which is so frustrating, so imagine my reaction when I hear it. I’m adapting though. First time I heard it some drunk man said it to me at a bar while offering me a drink. Another phrase is “CHEERS!” You know when you’re toasting with wine? Well out here it’s often used as thank you.

I’ve seen some new places! First, London is always a VIBE when I go. My frat brother Ronald Sewell always make sure my visit is wonderful. He took me to a Jamaican restaurant a few weeks ago and I had some Jamaican Rum which was to die for and some amazing seafood. I was eating shrimp with the heads on them, I swore I’d never (I still didn’t eat food that looks at me) but you got to explore and try new things, right? You know what’s so weird to me? It’s legal to drink at 18 here. When I go out to Pubs (Bars) there are so many young people it’s ridiculous. It makes me appreciate the American legal drinking age.

In London, I visited Shakespeare’s Globe and got the chance to play on the stage with my classmates. Probably one of the most humbling experiences is my life. The stage is so huge and there is nowhere to hide when you’re on it. You literally have people at every angle watching you. The energy built up in there is otherworldly. I felt like If I wanted to fire a Kamehameha wave, that’s the place to go. It’s such a dream hearing about this place so many times from my teachers in America and actually living in what they described and taught. 

I’m still in love with Drama school. I finished my first term (semester) and I’m beginning my second one. Macbeth was my classes final project. I’m so grateful for working with my first professional theatre company this summer (Shout out to all of my friends from Theater at Monmouth) in Maine. It was my first time being creative in a non-Black space (I didn’t start acting until undergrad). I was on a new journey of discovering my voice in a room of people from different backgrounds, wanting to speak efficiently about how I view things. I’m continuing that journey here in England. It’s personally a challenge but I enjoy being an educator for my ancestors. Thank God, I went to an Historically Black College University previous to this, because without PVAMU I wouldn’t really even understand myself, nonetheless where I come from. This past summer in Maine I was in 4 plays, one of them being Macbeth. There was just so much information and specificity that I didn’t know about Shakespeare’s work and that story (Which I think might be the hardest play from Shakespeare). I got to revisit it this past term and I’ve discovered so much about the language, Shakespeare, the rhetorical devices, the period, (The Gunpowder Plot and how that connects with everything) the characters’ beliefs, and a more in depth, immersion into the play, I was also fighting my own actor habits and eliminating everything that I don’t need. I got to play the king himself, and live through my favourite soliloquy (which I wrote about a few years back in a previous blog. You can access it). It was an ensemble piece so we were all running around in different roles. I’m so grateful for it. And I believe more that I can execute a lead role. I can finally say that I truly love Shakespeare. (Heart Heart Heart) Thank God for our director/tutor Andrew Potter. That man is a brilliant educator. And a dynamic artist.

Winter break in England was quiet. I missed my mom, family and friends but I also got the chance to celebrate the holidays and my birthday with people who actually care about me out here. Sometimes I still feel lonely. Like a lonesome young foreign boy in the woods seeking to know every living organism. Even the ones that bite; I’m okay though! (PS: I met two new friends last night that also go to my university. They’re both actors who go to my Drama School on the B.A. course. Shout out to Hayden Thomas and Janeks Babidorics!)

We’re going to get this degree in 2019, I’m going to set out and be a star and live out my life’s purpose of changing the molecules of people that need guidance. Creating art that promotes unity and empathy, and discovering yourself. We’re going to change the world and I’m already sparking something by you reading.

Speak it into existence and anything is achievable friends! Keep striving for your best selves, accept the journey YOU are on and don’t worry if your journey doesn’t match someone else’s, it’s yours. stay prayed up and if you see the door of opportunity, KICK THAT SUMNABITCH DOWN!

And in the words of the late great playwright August Wilson in his play, The Piano Lesson

“But you’d be surprised how many people trying to go North get on a train going West. They think train’s supposed to go where they going rather than where it’s going” 

Till next month family for Issue no.3!

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