Sunday, October 18, 2015


I'm at the point of my life right now when I'm questioning everyone's character. Everyone around me. My environment, I just don't feel mentally safe. Monarchy's in a small space. Everyone wants my time, but honestly I need this time to myself. I need to spend time with me. I need to work on me. So much gullibility and indecisive decisions from peers which indirectly affects me. People that I've grown with are in question, and that's so sad but it can't be helped. I've examined myself but I've always been the me within. It's time for an environment change. Another adjustment I need to make is eating. I haven't been eating like I want to lately. I've been eating close to 1 small meal a day. That isn't because I feel sick but it's because of my obligations, and lack of resources. I have to get the things that I need. 

Anyway back to the message. If you're reading this, make sure you check your 12. (That's a statement created by my best friend which he heard from his pastor. The talk was about Jesus and his 12 disciples, and how he was betrayed by Judas.) We all have these moments in our life. Just make sure you're doing what you want to do for you and never be where you're not wanted. Stay healthy, stay with God and send love in all places. I'm praying for stability and health within my physical, intellectual, imagination, emotional and spiritual self. Stay Prayed Up. 

Yours Truly,


Sunday, February 15, 2015

4AM In Dallas

Yesterday, I got that old feeling again. It was a feeling that I thought I was over. A feeling that comes back during random times of my life. A feeling that punches me in my Gut, taking away a piece of my sanity every time it comes. This time this feeling came in the middle of the night. Let me take you back a bit so you will "MAYBE" understand my Pain. 

Like most young BLACK children, I didn't have my father in my life. I actually met him when I was 17, the verge of adulthood. Such an Awkward day meeting a person that is supposed to be your biggest role model. The supposedly provider of the family, (so I've read all the years) A Father, my father. The man that has 5 boys and 1 girl, but out of the 5 boys, one was abandoned. That boy was me. Interesting word Huh? Abandoned. 

Abandoned [uh-ban-duh nd] 1.
forsaken or deserted:
an abandoned building; anabandoned kitten.

Atleast that's how I felt. Left out. Forsaken Not cared about. The Misfit. 

Sometimes in my life when I feel left out from the people I'm the most close to in my life, this feeling returns. This punch in my gut. I'm 21 now, and I've thought the feeling vacated me completely, but it decides to return in the most bizarre times. It was 4AM in Dallas, and that feeling came back. I didn't know how to control my sadness so I went walking and cried. Sometimes it's good to cry. I cried outside and when I got inside I cried in the bathroom. I was at my Alpha texas convention, in an Hotel. My line brother caught me and told me that I was not alone. He shouldered me in his own way. After that it was over. 

Father Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me? 

Dad - 
"All those times I cried for you, you never came
Out of all the sports I played
You never showed up at one game
All of the awards I received
I never heard you clap
You were never there
For me to sit on your lap
All the times I fell
and scratched my knee
You were the one who wasn't there
To comfort me
All those times I was bored
And wanted someone to call
You still weren't there
Not there at all
I always tried to make you proud
Hoping you would love me more
but you never seemed to care
So what did I even do it for
You weren't there for any of my firsts
Might not be for any of my lasts
It's like you're not here in my present
Just like you weren't there in my past
I try to move on
But no one knows how hard it is
For your own father not to love you
As much as he loves his other kids
But I hold my head high
To keep things from looking so bad
But deep down I still wish
I had love from my dad" - Unknown 

For those who've felt this way, just know that God brings some of us to these things in order to have a certain strength that most people can't have, use this Blog to know that you are not alone. Their are millions of us going through the same things. I feel good, I'm blessed, healthy, and this strength helps me to fight for my dreams even harder so that I'm able to take care of the next generation to come and the people to continue my legacy. Hope this empowers you, Thanks. -CDSJ👑⚫️

Friday, February 6, 2015

C'est La Vie

I could probably say that most of my life I've felt like I never belonged. Like I didn't fit in, like I was a misfit who couldn't get with the program, but in these days I feel like that's not the case. 

Although sometimes there are sparks of that feeling. Wanting to be alone, thinking the whole world is against me and not being appreciated, it's not as much anymore. Besides the division of me feeling like I'm in the wrong generation, I have people in my life that makes me feel welcome. Like I'm supposed to be where I'm at, like I'm no misfit from the majority and I Thank God for their placement in my life. 

If you're going through this, You just have to remember that everything happens for a reason through Gods plan. He's taking you through things so that you can learn and be aware in the future. We all have a story and we all go through things. Sometimes just say to yourself "C'est La Vie" it translates from French meaning "That's Life" because life is filled with up and downs and most of us is just trying to get to Freedom. 

PS: Theres a song that you all should listen to that relates to this, it's called "Free" by Rudimental. You might Love it. 

Thanks for Reading! 

-CDS 👑

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Burden of Glory

I'm learning a lot about being a true leader, having I worked up to everything I'm apart of. 

Being a leader is sometimes a Burden. You have to do what's best for the people around you, even before yourself. A leader has to be an example for the people that will come after him/her. As well as the people that surrounds him/her.

The biggest thing I think a leader has to do is sacrifice. A leader sometimes have to take on a burden to make sure the people around him are in harmony, sacrificing his/her own harmony or happiness sometimes. 

I'm challenging the person reading to become a bigger leader. Even leaders reading, think of how you can expand and better yourself. We need leaders everywhere to make sure things are stable. The burden is just a symbol to make your inner self stronger, and God has blessed us with tremendous strength. 

Be Blessed! 


Sunday, January 25, 2015

The Tree

"The Tree."

Not an actual Lynching Tree, but the man that stands strong despite the torture and cruel treatment by the people who surrounds him. Standing in the face of death, there is no bend in his body. He stands tall and strong like a Tree. So much strength in his face. He makes me strong. I am so grateful for the people that came before me, they went through so much, men and women so that we could live. 

So many of our people became the strange fruit of the south. Going through so much, being forbidded from the world they were born into suffrage. If you're reading this. Please take a moment to reflect on the bravery of these people. Show gratitude for the people who came before us, who died so that we could live.. Take a brief moment to thank them... 

Billie Holiday, Strange Fruit: 

"Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swingin' in the Southern breeze, Strange fruit hangin' from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulgin' eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burnin' flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck, For the sun to rot, for the tree to drop, Here is a strange and bitter crop." 

My people, We must stand together, in harmony. Be as Strong as "The Tree" was for us. The Time is NOW. 



As you all may know, I am an Actor. I've been acting in pre-professional plays for about 3 years now, while actually majoring in Drama. I've actually been in 4 productions. 

"Jelly's last jam" by George C. Wolfe. "A Midsummer Night's Dream" by William Shakespeare. "The Piano Lesson" by August Wilson, and "Black Nativity" by Langston Hughes. 

It's kinda crazy because my freshmen year in college was actually my first year doing theatre. I didn't expect it to be as hard as it is. Just like any other major, there is a Craft to everything. Before college I was speaking to one of my mentors Jackée Harry, 

(First African American Emmy Award Winning Actress).

About pursuing my dreams, and she was the first person that insisted of me "Mastering The Craft" now I see why she said it. I can't fathom "Actors" who get a chance to be in a production without training. I understand that she didn't want me to be mediocre, and to actually know the work. I really owe it all to her influence upon me, she is amazing with so much knowledge, and I will dedicate my future credibility to her. 

I'm currently in my junior year of training, and I just actually made a breakthrough holding my lead role in "Black Nativity" Now there's no such thing as perfect, but even though that lingers in my mind, I will always strive for a 10. I was just recently trained in a new style of Acting/Directing from my instructor, Dr. Cristal Chanelle Truscott. She created a style of African Diaspora, connected to the roots, called "Soul Work." Which actually recently won the Doris Duke award. I'm so honored to be one of her experiments for this style and it has improved my Artistry tremendously. 

Now heading to my second semester in junior year, I'm learning Shakespeare, and "On Camera Acting" Thank you to everyone who has supported me so far. I have a year in a half left before I move to California to start my legacy. 

Listen, we only have 1 life. I don't think you all should spend it on anything that doesn't make you happy. Anything is possible if you work for it, there is always a solution to get where you need or want to be. Make sure you're following your dreams no matter what anyone says, people are gonna judge you no matter what you do so expect it. Become the best version of yourself that you can be so you can be an example for the people that will come after us. We are the current generation, we have to take care of this world. Keep pushing! 


Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Virtuous Sparks

I must confess that my mind is confusing sometimes, but there are certain things that allure me to a woman. First I love passion, a woman that has passion and ambition for anything is great. I love a woman that has many things going for her. That keeps herself busy, and don't feed off of anyone else. 

How you carry yourself is important. Yes, I'm attracted to some women who are naturally beautiful but have bad habits about how they carry themselves, but I will only pursue the high class woman that wears unrevealing clothes so that people could only wonder what's under. What also gets me is when a woman challenges me to be better in little ways. I can say that I'm very intellectual and I can introduce my woman to a lot of things, however I do want someone who's gonna keep me on my toes. Someone that wants to learn and grow with me. 

I'm waiting on the woman described in the bible, Proverbs 31-31, The Virtuous Woman. 

"She is far more precious than Jewels."


Wednesday, January 14, 2015


Growing up, I always knew that I was going to be someone important. It's something that lingered in my mind. I think it was because of me knowing that I was weird because I didn't think like the people around me. Back then I really didn't know what I wanted to be or what my dreams were. I just danced, sung, and rapped app the time. My great grandmother always told me that I could do whatever I wanted and to this day, I hold on to her late words. 

Moving into adolescence, I started gaining the passion for sports, football in particular. During these years my mind was transforming and I was kinda stuck because even though I adored football, I just had this timid feeling inside of me that it's not where I belonged. In fact, I felt lost for a long time in my earlier days cause of many occasions where I didn't fit in. Now in high school I took a theatre class because I knew it was something I was interested in. The class was very fun and towards the end of the year, my teacher presented an assignment that we learned and performed monologues in front of everyone. The class already anticipated that they were gonna bullshitt the assignment as well as I. But when it was my turn to go up, something happened on stage to where I clicked and really lived. My teacher told me I had the best monologue in class and that I should really look into Theatre, and that's where my dream took off.

When I got to college I had one of the hardest decisions in my life. I was intended to play football because I trained all summer, but when I told my advisor I wanted to play ball and major in theatre, she told me I couldn't do both.. And that's when God spoke to me. I chose theatre. Since then I've been excelling in learning the craft of Theatre, Art, and Humanity. I've finally found where I belong. 

I dream to become one of the greatest actors of all time. I dream to change the world through the Art that I create so that people could better understand each other and live in harmony. I dream to be an important aspect to the world. 

Right now I'm on a Voyage to my dreams, and nothing and no one is gonna stop me from reaching them. I've been doubted so much it's ridiculous. I will be BIG, I promise, I swear it, and I never go back on my word. 

"So set sail with me on my journey to Atlantis."

~ CDSJ 👑