BLACK BOY U.K. JOY

One of my mentors, Tezya Jackson ignited the idea in me to write about and share what it’s like being a Black male actor in the United Kingdom. I had the idea of sharing my experience out here as well so I’m combining the “What’s it like living in the U.K.” and “are you enjoying it?” questions, so here goes: 

It took me two tries to get into a school. Blood sweat and tears but I ended up where I am at the desired time God told me to go. I just want to start this blog by saying what’s meant for you is meant for you. Everything happens for a reason that’s beyond our explanation. The first year I tried for Graduate school and didn’t make it, I took pretty hard. However, I learned later that instead of me graduating from Prairie View A&M University in May of 2016, I graduated in August. Everything made sense to me after that. The following year I received double the amount of callbacks from schools and optional offers. When I received the message of me moving to England to study Acting in late March my dreams, my prayers, my goals and wishes were met and it’s everything I asked for and more.

I want to now start this blog by saying; I’m not in Birmingham, Alabama! I’m not in London! I have to start this yelling at my friends and family reading. I love you all. I just want you all to know where I really am. I started telling folk that I’m living in Birmingham and they assume Alabama knowing that I’m not even in the United States so I started just telling people London. I’m actually 2 hours and 30 minutes away from London. It’s lovely there. It looks just like how it looks on television. I’ve been there a couple of times.

As soon as I came to England I discovered that I had to learn a new version of my primary language. (Yes, It’s English I know) The English spoken here is very different from American English. The lingo, the phrases, the names of food, greetings, salutations, it’s all used differently. One week I spent days trying to get McDonald’s to give me jelly for my breakfast but I soon found that they only know the term Jam. When I’m walking to class people walk in a horizontal line on the sidewalk when they’re in groups. Just picture people moving like turtles and there’s no space for you to pass them on the sidewalk. I spend my time running to class like Will Smith in the pursuit of Happiness movie. England is lovely. The history, the historic cathedrals and buildings and the culture are all magnificent in sight. It’s surreal for a Black boy from the slumps of Arlington/Dallas Texas to even be here.

Fish and chips are kind of overrated to me. I haven’t eaten any that has made me fall in love yet. Birmingham, England is a beautiful city. It’s filled with Canals, buildings that are fine in architecture. It’s very easy to get around, though I haven’t completely figured out the bus system yet. I’m getting used to the military time. I always have to double check when I am scheduled to be somewhere. I look at a time like 17:30 and tilt my head like a German Shepard. The trick is to subtract 12 and I’d get the time I understand. Speaking of time, I’m still getting used to how Brits tell time out here. I’m not stupid and I know what the phrases mean, it’s just sometimes if it’s 5:30pm I wish someone would just say 5:30pm. When I ask for time I either get “Half past” or “Quarter till.” My response is always “Sooooo… __insert time here_?” If you look up in the sky you will usually see a grey sky. I think I can still count on 1 hand how many times I’ve seen a blue sky or maybe I’m exaggerating.

Being a Black Actor in the U.K. is fun, interesting and challenging. I’m grateful to have graduated from PVAMU, an HBCU (Historically Black College University) because it taught me so much about myself and my culture. I think If I came to any Predominantly white institution before my undergrad I would be unknowingly lost. My HBCU taught me how to be a H.O.T.T. (Humble, Open, Teachable, Tenacious) artist who knows that I have to work twice as hard as anyone not of color in this field just because I’m Black. It sucks being in a society where as 45 (Trump) says "They should be grateful for their success." Why must I be grateful for something I earned through hard work? I'm at the point as an actor where things are becoming second nature so I don't have to kill myself to accomplish certain things like I did in my undergrad. Dr. Cristal Chanelle Truscott, my acting coach/stage mom/mentor at PVAMU pushed my classmates to strive and be our best selves because of this.

I’m also the only Black American male in the whole drama school, let alone in my class. Drama school is amazing! My classmates are all dope and from different backgrounds with many stories to tell. We’re all from America too! So many unique individuals that I get to build wonderful relations with. We are usually in class from “Half past 8 till 18:00.” I have good and bad days. Some days I’m bouncing off the walls feeling like my child self and somedays I feel like no one really understands where I’m coming from. I’m speaking about the U.K. in general. I feel like only a couple of people have taken the time to get to know me, and I’m so far away from home so when I do talk to people that do know me I feel relieved. This is a temporary feeling though and I have 2 years here so I'm sure I'll leave with a new family. I spend most of my time living as other people (Which I love of course.)

I’m excited at where I am now as an actor and how much more I will learn just at this program. I’m excited at what I will bring to the program. I’m so happy to learn and grow every day. These are the steps that God has given me so that I can be what my heart seeks. Someone that the whole world will soon know.

Someone that will help as many people as I can find themselves.

Someone that will inspire the youth, hell and even adults to seek what the heart desires, to follow dreams. I pray about what I want to do and it happens.

I’m an athlete of the imagination. I’m a student of the human condition. I’m standing on my ancestors shoulders. I will be a star.

And like the late great playwright August Wilson said in his play The Piano Lesson

“If the train stays on the track… it’s going to get where it’s going.”

Till next time family! I'm gonna try to release a blog on my life in the U.K. every month (Or every other month). 

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Sharing Macbeth's Lament

Hello All,

I haven't posted anything in awhile. I just want all of you to know that I'm alive and breathing. I ran across this "Soliloquy" today while viewing some old emails. a Soliloquy (is an act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play).This is one of my favorites by William Shakespeare from the classical tragedy, Macbeth:

MACBETH. "She should have died hereafter; There would have been time for such a word. To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day., To syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

I really admire the organic, beautiful words that Shakespeare shares with us. These thoughts are dark but it is another experience that we all have probably thought about. When the world is weighing heavy and we feel like nothing has meaning. This is a great piece of literature that brings empathy. 

My message to you is: If you're in a dark place in your life, keep your head high and know that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Everything happens for a reason. I've entered dark places but I am now surrounded by light because I believed greater days were coming. By any means do not feel sorry for yourself. Look in the mirror, your life has meaning. Lastly, I want to tell you to fight for your dreams. Anything is possible because someone else has done it. There is no reason for you to think anything is practical. You're in my prayers.

Yours In The Arts,

CJ "MIDAS" Stewart

(FUN FACT: This is a photo of an African American male named Jack Carter, playing MACBETH in 1936. Thought I'd share this with you. You learn something new every day!.)

Character

I'm at the point of my life right now when I'm questioning everyone's character. Everyone around me. My environment, I just don't feel mentally safe. Monarchy's in a small space. Everyone wants my time, but honestly I need this time to myself. I need to spend time with me. I need to work on me. So much gullibility and indecisive decisions from peers which indirectly affects me. People that I've grown with are in question, and that's so sad but it can't be helped. I've examined myself but I've always been the me within. It's time for an environment change. Another adjustment I need to make is eating. I haven't been eating like I want to lately. I've been eating close to 1 small meal a day. That isn't because I feel sick but it's because of my obligations, and lack of resources. I have to get the things that I need. 

Anyway back to the message. If you're reading this, make sure you check your 12. (That's a statement created by my best friend which he heard from his pastor. The talk was about Jesus and his 12 disciples, and how he was betrayed by Judas.) We all have these moments in our life. Just make sure you're doing what you want to do for you and never be where you're not wanted. Stay healthy, stay with God and send love in all places. I'm praying for stability and health within my physical, intellectual, imagination, emotional and spiritual self. Stay Prayed Up. 

Yours Truly,

CDS. 

4AM In Dallas

Yesterday, I got that old feeling again. It was a feeling that I thought I was over. A feeling that comes back during random times of my life. A feeling that punches me in my Gut, taking away a piece of my sanity every time it comes. This time this feeling came in the middle of the night. Let me take you back a bit so you will "MAYBE" understand my Pain. 

Like most young BLACK children, I didn't have my father in my life. I actually met him when I was 17, the verge of adulthood. Such an Awkward day meeting a person that is supposed to be your biggest role model. The supposedly provider of the family, (so I've read all the years) A Father, my father. The man that has 5 boys and 1 girl, but out of the 5 boys, one was abandoned. That boy was me. Interesting word Huh? Abandoned. 

Abandoned [uh-ban-duh nd] - 1.

forsaken or deserted:

an abandoned building; anabandoned kitten.

Atleast that's how I felt. Left out. Forsaken Not cared about. The Misfit. 

Sometimes in my life when I feel left out from the people I'm the most close to in my life, this feeling returns. This punch in my gut. I'm 21 now, and I've thought the feeling vacated me completely, but it decides to return in the most bizarre times. It was 4AM in Dallas, and that feeling came back. I didn't know how to control my sadness so I went walking and cried. Sometimes it's good to cry. I cried outside and when I got inside I cried in the bathroom. I was at my Alpha texas convention, in an Hotel. My line brother caught me and told me that I was not alone. He shouldered me in his own way. After that it was over. 

Father Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me? 

Dad - 

"All those times I cried for you, you never came
Out of all the sports I played
You never showed up at one game
All of the awards I received
I never heard you clap
You were never there
For me to sit on your lap
All the times I fell
and scratched my knee
You were the one who wasn't there
To comfort me
All those times I was bored
And wanted someone to call
You still weren't there
Not there at all
I always tried to make you proud
Hoping you would love me more
but you never seemed to care
So what did I even do it for
You weren't there for any of my firsts
Might not be for any of my lasts
It's like you're not here in my present
Just like you weren't there in my past
I try to move on
But no one knows how hard it is
For your own father not to love you
As much as he loves his other kids
But I hold my head high
To keep things from looking so bad
But deep down I still wish
I had love from my dad" - Unknown 


For those who've felt this way, just know that God brings some of us to these things in order to have a certain strength that most people can't have, use this Blog to know that you are not alone. Their are millions of us going through the same things. I feel good, I'm blessed, healthy, and this strength helps me to fight for my dreams even harder so that I'm able to take care of the next generation to come and the people to continue my legacy. Hope this empowers you, Thanks. -CDSJ👑⚫️

 

C'est La Vie

I could probably say that most of my life I've felt like I never belonged. Like I didn't fit in, like I was a misfit who couldn't get with the program, but in these days I feel like that's not the case. 

Although sometimes there are sparks of that feeling. Wanting to be alone, thinking the whole world is against me and not being appreciated, it's not as much anymore. Besides the division of me feeling like I'm in the wrong generation, I have people in my life that makes me feel welcome. Like I'm supposed to be where I'm at, like I'm no misfit from the majority and I Thank God for their placement in my life. 

If you're going through this, You just have to remember that everything happens for a reason through Gods plan. He's taking you through things so that you can learn and be aware in the future. We all have a story and we all go through things. Sometimes just say to yourself "C'est La Vie" it translates from French meaning "That's Life" because life is filled with up and downs and most of us is just trying to get to Freedom. 

PS: Theres a song that you all should listen to that relates to this, it's called "Free" by Rudimental. You might Love it. 

Thanks for Reading! 

-CDS 👑